Eighteen years ago, my flight instructor reported for duty...

If my dad could see me now, I know he would be proud of me. It seems like there’s something deep down inside of me that isn’t me at all. It’s him. It’s the personification of him. It makes me believe in myself, but it’s more like it’s him believing in me. This is very refreshing for me, because until now, I had such low self-esteem that it didn’t seem like I could accomplish anything worth-while. Now, I feel like I could take on anything and be successful. It feels like nothing can throw me now. It feels like I’m top of the world. I know I can do things that will leave jaws on the floor, and I will, I will for sure. At first it seemed like I was travelling this lonely road alone. That isn’t the case, the piece deep inside me that is a part of him, is him. He’s walking with me, and that’s all I’ll ever need. It’s strange but it feels like no one will ever know me the way he does, and I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand what he meant to me.
I want to do incredible things for my dad. I want to live up to my full potential for him. The best thing I could do right now for my dad is to be the best I can be in everything I do. He’s going to help me take it to a new height, together we’re going to put the pedal to the medal. The way I feel tonight is a good feeling, like I can’t do anything wrong. I feel better physically and mentally than I ever have before. This mental and physical strength is a new world for me, but it’s a good world. One that will never slip through my grasp. For a while I felt like I had been left behind. Now, not only have I caught up, I’ve passed everyone up, and they’re never going to catch me. This new energy is awesome and as far as I can tell, cannot be answered.
I’m not sure if I ever grieved properly for the death of my father, but I think I’m experiencing that now. So God, please help me through this fight. The process of this grief has been exhausting, but in a strange way refreshing. The dark feelings and depression of my past life are no longer going to keep me down, I’ve broken through those binds. My dad never lost faith in me, he knew I would rise from those ashes and set the new pace. He knew I was in a slump, but most importantly he knew I would come out of it.
I know I’ll never be the same person I would have been had my life been the picture perfect life that everyone longs for. But if it wasn’t for my dad, I would have never had the opportunity to have an imperfect life. I’ll never be as sane as I could be if I had a father, but if it wasn’t for him, it wouldn’t be a question of sanity but mere existence. There was a time when I thought I would do anything to be able to see him again. Recently he reminded me that I will see him in due time. In fact, I had a dream about him the other night. He took me by the hand and he taught me how to fly. It’s just a matter of patience. If there’s one thing I’ve learned through all of this, it’s how to bide time. After that dream I knew I was going to make it, I was going to be okay. But, not only just okay, I’m going to soar. The lessons have begun.
I just want to say how grateful I am to have my dad as my guardian angel. So Lord, please don’t think I’m not grateful, I truly am. Just give me the strength I need to fly. And dad, it’s long overdue, but here is the blog dedicated to everything you did and everything you do.
I love you dad.