Screw The Perfect People

All the perfect people, shallow and deceitful,
Staring back at me on T.V. in magazines.
Look so good like a box of fresh wrapped Twinkies,
What the hell happened to me?
So, I took a drive to a rich and wealthy country,
Saw everything I wanted and everything I need.
Went right up and I tried to join their party
You oughta seen the look when they saw me.

!@#$%& up eyes, stupid grin.
Perfect people won’t let me in.
Who’s who list, where’s my name?
They won’t let me join their game.
I bet they think that I’m insane.
There’s no one left for me to blame.
Screw the perfect people,
@#$%, they all look the same.

We ain’t much to look at, too short, dumb and so fat.
Never gonna win a beauty pageant, it’s a curse.
Always gonna be a better doorman at the best clubs.
How could things be any worse?

!@#$%& up eyes, stupid grin.
Perfect people won’t let me in.
Who’s who list, where’s my name?
They won’t let me join their game.
I bet they think that I’m insane.
There’s no one left for me to blame.
Screw the perfect people,
@#$%, they all look the same.

Don’t have much to go on, don’t want your opinion.
Don’t have much to gain and I ain’t got much to lose.
It looks like you’ve got it all and I’d really like to get some.
You’ve got something I could use.

!@#$%& up eyes, stupid grin.
Perfect people won’t let me in.
Who’s who list, where’s my name?
They won’t let me join their game.
I bet they think that I’m insane.
There’s no one left for me to blame.
Screw the perfect people,
@#$%, they all look the same.

This is a perfect song for how I am feeling right now. It’s by a punk rock band named Pennywise. I am off on a family vacation with these “perfect people.” It’s going to be interesting to say the least. Two of them are goddesses, two Adonises, one shedding pounds by using HCG and the other lost a lot of weight using illegal drugs. Now, the last one is just circumstantial evidence, she’d never be convicted in a court of law, but it’s still pretty damning. This is also a perfect song for my family whom I love dearly. We are, most of us, too short, dumb and so fat. But, that’s okay over on that side of the fence. My wife and I are by no means perfect, but we are working on it. She’s having some set-backs due to hypo-thyroid, so she isn’t dropping weight by the pounds, but she’s making modest losses, and working her ass off. It gets frustrating and aggravating, but there’s nothing we can do about it other than keep eating right and exercising, thank Tony Horton for P90X, that really is helping a lot. Having said that, we don’t need to hear about our extra weight every five minutes. We’re not completely obese, but yes, we do have some extra baggage. My wife’s mom has to make sure we know that by asking my wife if she’s pregnant every 15 minutes. That shit would never happen with my mom. There’s something called tact, use it. Especially when someone is working that hard to try to lose the weight. So, we’re trying to make it fun. We have a bet going. It sits at 25. Twenty-five times someone will make reference to my wife’s stomach while we’re on the trip. She has the under, I have the over. Easiest bet I’ll ever win. Screw the perfect people, @#$% they all look the same.
‘Nuff Said.

I Do My Own Stunts

Let's be honest. These t-shirts are not funny. You know the ones. They have those clever little sayings on them, like, for example; "I do my own stunts," or "Here I am, now what are your other two wishes?" These sayings would be funny, if you heard them ONCE in a setting where you're just talking with some friends. Why would anyone want to read this every single day. You see, there's a deeper humor here, these shirts say something about the individual wearing them. Basically it's; "I'm not a very funny individual, but the guy who thought up this saying on my shirt is pretty funny. See what he said there; "I can only please one person a day, today isn't your day, tomorrow isn't looking good either." Hilarious, right? That means if he's funny, and I'm wearing the shirt he made, I'm funny by association. Maybe girls will like me now." I've only seen one shirt like this that made me laugh out loud, it said; "Rehab's for quitters." That's pretty funny, but I still wouldn't want to wear it everyday.
'Nuff Said

Even Though I Don't Agree With His Parenting Skills

I am grateful for the person my step-dad is and how he raised me. I’m sure when Craig was growing up he didn’t have dreams of raising eight children, he probably didn’t have dreams of raising any. He was a die-hard Green Bay Packers fan and most likely thought about playing in big games as their starting quarterback; gaining thousands of fans, having pretty girls with the Farah Fawcett swoop following him around, and even gaining countless “people he knows”. Cause you see, Craig doesn’t have friends, he has; neighbors, co-workers, family members and people he knows. But, it is this kind of mentality that makes us love Craig. His goofy antics make him the kind of person that’s fun to be around and would make anyone proud to be a person he knows.
I had a wonderful opportunity in this life. I’ve had the two most amazing dads anyone could ask for. When it was time for one to step aside, he did. My biological father left this world when I was just six years old. It was like he was waiting to make sure we were in good hands before he could leave. I know he’s still there, still making sure we have what we need. However, his work is cut in half because of everything Craig does for us. So, Happy Fathers Day Dad! Even though I don’t agree with you leaving this world when I just six, I still love you.
My fondest memories with my step-dad are riddled with watching sports games and playing sports with him. He would always come to every football, basketball and baseball game of mine, that didn’t interfere with his work schedule, and I know he felt bad when he couldn’t make it. He’s the most supportive person I know. My favorite sports teams are his, and even when my favorite teams play his, I can’t help but smile when he cheers the BoSox on over his Angels. However, it’s the one-on-one moments we shared that were so precious to me, and I’m not even sure he realizes how much of an impact they had on me. Probably the memory I look back on the most was arriving home from school and sitting down with some Hot Pockets to watch Jeopardy! with him. We would clap along with the audience whenever a player would choose a Daily Double clue, even if the contestant was the person we were rooting for to lose. I clap to this day when the Daily Doubles are chosen.
He would give the shirt off his back to anyone in his family. He goes to every soccer game he can, sometimes several a day, no matter how sick he is of seeing little kids attempt to kick a ball. He’s always willing to drop everything to help a member of his family. His cynicism is unrivaled. He has opened his arms to Kai, and treats him as though he is his grandson, though they share no relation at all. He is my step-dad.
So once again, even though I don’t agree with many of your life choices, I love you and want to wish you a Happy Fathers Day. That’s right, nothing’s sacred in this family. That’s what we call tongue-in-cheek. But seriously, Happy Fathers Day!

It's Official...

My brother, while totally insane, has hit the nail right on the head. The NBA is fixed. Not to the extent that he says it is, but to a certain degree it is. This is seen in the very recent history of the league. Now, being that this is my first sports entry, please do not stop reading. I know that most of my readers are not people who are into sports, but this will hopefully be interesting and enjoyable for all to read. Let’s rewind to the offseason just before the 2007-2008 NBA season. The Boston Celtics were coming off their worst season in franchise history, winning something like 16 games or some dismal number like that. Kevin Garnett of the Minnesota Timberwolves is on the market, he’s not a free agent, but the T-Wolves are interested in shopping him around, Boston is first in line. Kevin McHale, a long-time Boston Celtic great has been conveniently put in as Minnesota’s general manager. Garnett makes it very publicly known that he does not want to go to Boston, why would he play for such a terrible team? If he wanted to do that, he could just stay with Minnesota. Miraculously, just a few days later, the Boston Celtics secure perennial all-star Ray Allen, suddenly Boston doesn’t look too bad. Not only have they secured two super-stars for several years, they have young players they are willing to deal. They are ready to make a move for Garnett, a big three is more enticing than just little old Paul Pierce. They make Garnett an offer, Minnesota accepts. Normally, this deal would surely have gotten rejected. Not only did the Timberwolves get completely ripped off, the NBA, under normal circumstances, would have watched this deal like a hawk. With Kevin McHale over in Minnesota, making no bones about saying he still has loyalties to the Celtics, this deal would not have been brokered, it would have been stopped dead as a conflict of interest. The Celtics secure Garnett for almost nothing. Okay, so that’s only three players, you can’t win a championship on that. Not long after this deal, the Celtics are able to sign two lock-down defenders; point guard Eddie House, and Forward James Posey. Suddenly the Celtics are looking like a championship contender. You see, the NBA needs a good basketball team is Boston, it’s too big of a market to have them as a financial liability. Not to mention the history surrounding this franchise.
So, you’ve got your powerhouse in the Eastern Conference, a rejuvenated Boston team ready to hit the ground running. Now all the NBA needed was Kobe to stay in Los Angeles. At around this same time, the Lakers had been struggling through their own seasons. With the departure of Shaq and most of the city wanting Kobe’s head on a platter, the basketball culture in Los Angeles was ready to collapse. Enter Pao Gasol. A guy the Lakers were able to get from Memphis for less than Boston had to give up for Garnett. With the return of Derek Fisher and the acquisition of Lamar Odom, the Lakers were ready to roll. The rivalry the NBA so desperately wanted to see rekindled was a lock. They could not let one of the best Celtics of all time (Paul Pierce) and one of the best Lakers of all time (Kobe Bryant) never square off for a championship. It had to happen. These teams inevitably met in the finals in June of 2008 and the Celtics got the better of the Lakers. Here’s the kicker, it didn’t matter who won that one, the other was going to win the next time these teams met up. They couldn’t let one Laker great get the better of the other Celtic great and vice versa. It just wasn’t right. Had Los Angeles won that series in 2008, this year’s NBA Finals would have had a very different outcome.
What about Orlando, you say? Yeah, what about Orlando? After all, if the NBA was fixed wouldn’t it have been Lebron vs. Kobe last year, or even a Boston vs. Los Angeles rematch? This is where the script writers for the NBA gain their genius status. That series was a perfect distraction to keep the fans from seeing the ultimate picture. They needed to toss in a throw-away series. One that Los Angeles could cake-walk through, pulling them just two titles away from tying Boston for the all-time lead. With them a lock to win the title over Boston this year, they are now just within one. You see, the NFL has a near monopoly when it comes to ratings. When the seasons overlap, football games are always taking precedent over basketball games. The viewers make the choice, and these companies have to adapt. Yes, these are companies, business and money are their bottom line. Do you think the NBA would draw as much money if this finals had been Cleveland vs. Utah? Or Orlando vs. Phoenix? Absolutely not. They need the money and the ratings to be able to compete with the NFL. Now, I’m not saying the NBA is entirely fixed. I think it would be impossible to choreograph it so that Kobe can miss and make a basket on cue. But, is it so hard to believe that perhaps the big-wigs of the NBA hold closed doors meeting with important team officials and the heads of the referee union? Perhaps it is scripted a little bit. Big games always garner blown calls, bad calls and often times silenced whistles. The star power speaks for itself. The NBA consistently uses the referees as their crutch, throwing them under the bus and giving out bogus penalties when they really screw the pooch. However, their ultimate enemy is the NFL. This is their ultimate competition, it’s a fight for ratings and for revenue. What better way to combat this than with a titles race between Los Angeles and Boston? Boston and Los Angeles will be powerhouses in the NBA for several years to come, with the occasional downward swings to keep the heat off the NBA’s back. New York is too big of a market to be this dry for this many years, something WILL happen there. I’m not saying it will be anything drastic like Lebron James going to either New Jersey or New York, it might be very subtle. However, before long, one of those teams will rise from the ashes and be a contender again. So, here are my predictions; Boston and Los Angeles keep trading title blows, and a New York makes a comeback and becomes relevant again within three years. Of course teams like Denver, Utah and Atlanta will keep getting their participant ribbons, talk about markets being victims of the system. If I’m wrong, I guess it’s not fixed, but if I’m right, oh if I’m right.
On a happier note, congratulations to the University of Utah. Inking the deal with the Pac-10 conference. This is quite impressive. I hold no loyalty to either team of the Holy War, as it’s come to be known, so let me speak as an objective observer. Come on people, it’s over. It was a good run while it lasted, and I think BYU holds the record for more wins, so that’s something you can take away from it. This will never be as heated on the Utah sidelines as it will on the BYU sidelines, never again. Utah will look at this as more of a practice exam for the big SAT that’s coming up. Sure, BYU will put up a fight, and, if this rivalry even continues, they might get a win here or there. But, let’s be honest, Utah will be making more money, a lot more. They now have a chance at a national title, which means better recruits, and that in turn puts more NFL scouts in the seats, gives more television exposure which leads to more national exposure. If a player is torn between BYU and Utah, he’s going to go to Utah 99 out of 100 times. Within five years Utah will be a much different team. They will be head and shoulders above BYU. Unfortunately, I think this may be an end to the Holy War. No disrespect to BYU, they have a wonderful program down south, but it seems as though this “war” as become more of a last chance crusade for the Mormons. Yes, I’m sure Utah will struggle through their first few years in this powerful conference, there’s always a learning curve. In the end, they’ll find their stride, bring in better players, equipment, facilities, and then it’s all over. Kind of bitter sweet. Finally, some national recognition for a Utah college football program. You have to take the good with the bad, this state’s greatest rivalry is now, vanquished.
‘Nuff Said.