Friday, April 23, 2010

A Letter of Apology

For my first order of business, I would like to apologize. I’m sorry for that last blog entry. Got on the soap box a little too much, so I figure I’ll lighten the mood a little bit. This is going to be a shout-out blog. Don’t worry mom, yours is coming soon. But today I have to focus on three women in my life. Three women that mean the world to me and without them, I would not be the person I am today. Their senses of humor clash so magnificently it makes a potent potpourri that is out of this world. I am of course referring to my three sisters. Together, they form the perfect snack, a chocolate covered pretzel. I’ll explain…
Starting from oldest to youngest, Melissa. Melissa is the kind of person who can brighten the mood of a room just by walking into it. She never has an unkind thing to say, blah blah blah. These are the types of things I would be writing if I were a weiner, but I’m not a weiner, so here’s the truth. Melissa says bad things about people, but what is so hilarious about it, is her personality casts her as the kind of person who would never udder an unkind word about anyone, get it? Udder? I threw in a Melissa joke. So, when Melissa does start making fun of other people, you really have to pay attention. Her snide, rude, simple, yet clever remarks are said without the least bit of animosity, thus making them innocent. However, she could tell you that you are fat, bald and ugly and you would leave the conversation thinking, that Melissa lady sure is nice. Yeah, that’s what we liberals call, “doublethink”. Or maybe that isn’t the definition of that, I don’t know. The fact that she can get away with saying just about anything to anybody is not lost on her, and she exploits this. That’s what makes her so great. My family would be pedestrian at best, without her. And the fact that she pretends to be conservative is a hoot. Ha ha ha. So full of satire. Just kidding Melis, this family would be nothing without you. Your sweet sense of humor is the chocolate of this tasty medley of flavors.
Amber. What can we say about Amber? Her dry, sarcastic, irreverent humor is the saltiness of the pretzel. What two ingredients clash? Salt and sweet. Right? On their own one would never think they would taste good together. Put them together and there is an explosion of flavor that starts out soothing and BAM! I’m here MOFO! That’s Amber’s sense of humor mixed with Melissa’s sense of humor. Often times Amber says the things that no one else dares to say. Should she say some of these things? Probably not. Their entertainment value for those of us not being directly attacked? Through the roof. Some people take offense to this style of humor, I say, grow up. Without Amber I could not imagine family parties. I mean sure, we’d still have people chucking bowls of ranch dressing at one another, maybe a gun fight or two, but we wouldn’t have the criticism afterward. I’m really going out on a limb here saying these things about Amber. Hope she doesn’t get mad, she feeds me twice a week which I’m grateful for. Without Amber, I would go slightly hungry for a few extra hours every Monday and Tuesday. Thanks Amber, for pointing out all of the negative in us.
Chelsea. My retarded, fat, Asian, communist, closet-conservative sister. We all know you hate the gays, and the abortion doctors, and anyone without legitimate health care. Okay? We get it. But seriously, Chelsea is the crunchiness of the chocolate covered pretzel. And while I haven’t figured out why yet, we’ll pretend what I’m about to say fits in fine with my crunchy pretzel metaphor. You see, ever since the day she slammed my head into the van door (which she later broke because I “cheated” at Phase 10) I knew we would be brother and sister for as long as I felt like it. (Which turned out to be a lot longer than I intended, who the hell knew this shit was for eternity?) But seriously, from our conversations in the strange whooping language we invented, to the urgent phone calls to Janelle asking her which one of our animal noises was best, we have had our fun. One thing I really want her to know, probably the most important thing I will ever say to her…oh damn. You know what just happened to me? I got one of those calls on my cell phone that was from an area code I didn’t recognize. While I have given my number out to various literary agencies, I answered it thinking it may have been one of these agencies wanting to talk about my book. I heard a female voice, which I now know was automated, saying, “please hold.” I held. For 17 minutes, I held. Finally, this guy answers saying he could lower the interest rate on my credit card. I DON’T EVEN HAVE A CREDIT CARD. So, I just wasted 17 minutes of my life on hold for some sneaky telemarketer. Anyway, where was I? Umm…. I can’t remember. Oh yeah. Maybe that’s why Chelsea is the crunchiness in our chocolate covered pretzel. She tried to crunch my head in the van door. Sure beats drinking gasoline though, eh?
Alone, my sisters are overbearing, ornery and finicky, respectively. Together, they’re the best sisters a guy could have. So, thanks you guys, for…umm…well…I guess for being born. Come to think of it, you guys really haven’t done anything to warrant any thanks at all. This is really a thank you letter to mom. So, thanks mom, for raising three daughters, who alone are very mediocre, but together make up an above average group of girls with a sense of humor slightly better than a charter member of the NRA, KKK and the new, ever popular Tea Party. It could be worse, I could be related to Marie Osmond. Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
‘Nuff said.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Depleted Uranium is a War Crime!

The Hidden Wars in the Middle East to me are the ones we as Americans never hear of because the government doesn’t want us to hear of them. Not only are these combat, or conventional wars, they are also wars being carried out against innocent civilians of the Middle Eastern population. Much of this lies in the use of depleted uranium, which I will address later in this essay. The Hidden Wars can also be a reference to the Gulf War. Though the American public had knowledge that a war was occurring in the area surrounding Iraq, they had no idea to what extent it was occurring, who the major players were and for why this war was being fought in the first place. Since the media was kept out, there wasn’t much information being spread to the American people about the war. The only information getting to the public was government released statements, which were unreliable at best.
These statements released by the government were riddled with lies. The government lied to get into the war, they lied during the war, and they’re still lying to this day. Most of the lies the U.S. government told were not flat out lies, they were exaggerations of the truth, and the most damaging examples of U.S. deceit is the information they withheld from the public. The exaggerations as to the extent of the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait is suspect. The untold amount of forces said to be occupying Kuwait was a myth. Evidence is leant to this conclusion with the satellite photos taken of the region at the time of the invasion. There are no tank tracks in the sand, no military equipment at the borders, but perhaps the most glaring void in this is the absence of Iraqi soldiers. The U.S. government tried to cover this up by saying the tank tracks would have been covered up within a matter of days by winds and other natural elements, this is another lie. There are still tank tracks in northern Africa left over from World War II, northern Africa has extremely high winds at times and unforgiving natural elements. These tank tracks have lasted over sixty years. The exaggeration to get a coalition together to get into Iraq was entirely uncalled for.
The coalition was, unfortunately put together, through diplomatic bullying and lobbying and the air strikes over Iraq commenced. While it was said this was to be a bombing of surgical precision, it was nothing of that sort. The government told its citizens they were targeting and destroying Iraqi military targets and the population of Iraq would be largely unharmed, this could not be further from the truth. The bombing was more reminiscent of the blanket bombing of Berlin in World War II and estimates have risen to over 100,000 dead Iraqi civilians, not terrorists, innocent people. Then came the marines, marching through Kuwait with virtually no opposition. One soldier stated the flies and mosquitoes gave up a better fight than the Iraqi “military” that was largely plain-clothes civilians protecting their own country. The U.S. marines took Kuwait in a day. On their way to Baghdad they were met with a greater opposition, one that they could not defeat, their own government. The U.S. marines had taken control of southern Iraq within 24 hours and were marching to Baghdad when the Bush administration called the war off. What they didn’t let the American public know was why. With the arrival of U.S. forces, the people of Iraq risen up against Saddam Hussein and started demonstrating in the streets of Iraq, they were poised to overthrow him. The U.S. needed Saddam in the Middle East. He was someone they could bully, not to mention he retained his power with CIA support, the Hussein regime was not toppled as it should have been, that was never the U.S.’s goal, they needed him around to secure the oil fields and remove the embargos. Simple as that. It was all about oil. Henry Kissinger put the United State’s priorities best when he stated, “oil is too important to be left to the Arabs.” They needed Saddam in power to hammer out the treaties that would give the U.S. control of the Iraqi oil fields.
The soldiers were met with a hero’s welcome and they went on to live happily ever after. Or did they? Within months of returning home, several soldiers began complaining of medical effects, anything from rashes to fatigue to constantly being sick. When looked upon more closely the answers became clear. In making the shells to fire during the Iraqi war the U.S. wanted to be frugal in its budget. They set their sights on different types of metal they could use to make the shells out of. There was a type of metal that had just been lying around, and the U.S. had literally tons of the stuff, uranium. They began recycling this uranium and using it to build military ammunition. What was unknown at the time were the effects this would have on the unfortunate souls who came in contact with it. Depleted uranium can burst through any armor with relative ease, whether it be a tank or a bunker, it doesn’t matter. These structures and vehicles were annihilated after taking a hit from a shell made of depleted uranium. This was an efficient way for the U.S. to build its shells, what was kept from the public was the fact that uranium stays radioactive for millions of years after it’s created. Not only were U.S. soldiers feeling the effects of this substance, the Iraqi civilians are still suffering the effects today. Numbers have risen upward of two babies born per day, per hospital in Iraq with birth defects as a direct result of depleted uranium. Many do not survive. In fact, when a child is born, more likely the question is not asked is it a boy or a girl? The more common question is; is it normal? Depleted uranium is a war crime!
This casts the U.S. government in a very negative light throughout the world. It’s no wonder that public opinion of this country is a negative one. It makes me feel sad, research had been done prior to the use of the depleted uranium, it was common knowledge among officials of the government that the radioactive waste was deadly. There is hatred for the United States in the Middle East and it is not unwarranted. These are the kinds of things that have to come to light. It is essential for the American people to know of these atrocities. We have to make sure this never happens again. Funny, we’ve heard that before haven’t we? World War II, the atrocities carried out by the Nazis, Never Again, wonder if we can take a page out of our own playbook.

Friday, April 16, 2010

You Look Like I Need a Drink

I don't know what this is. I sat down one night, late at night, and this just came out. I'm not even sure who this is about, but the person it is about will know it's about them as soon as they read it. I don't know if that means anything. I mean, how could I not know who this is about, yet they would know it's about them? It makes sense in my mind. Written down it looks ridiculous. Anyway, without further ado, here it is, the poem that means nothing and yet everything.

A blank page………
It stares at me………
It mocks me………
But what am I to do? I am just a man.
Am I not?
Of course I am.
Then, why?
Why am I?
Is it fate that makes me?
No.
Is it religion?
No.
Is it God, or a god?
Or life?
Or time?
No.
No.
No.
No.
Do I make me?
No.
Then what is it?
I don’t know.
I’m not sure.
I never will be.
Life marches on.
It marches on around me.
And I am alone.
Why am I alone?
I know not.
All I can say, is this is a matter of life.
It makes me be.
It is me.
It is my life.
It’s who I am.
So who is she?
I don’t know, nor will I.
Do I care?
Aye!
So much that it hurts.
Deep within me.
An abyss.
Labeled as her.
Written as she is written.
And yet, I am me.
And she is her.
So, what does this mean?
Anything.
Anything I want it to mean.
And yet,
nothing.
And yet,
everything.
And so I am.
So much that she is her.
And only will be
within me.
For she cannot live up to what she is within me.
She never will.
Never could.
So why do I?
I don’t know.
It makes no sense.
It matters not.
But it’s who I am.
It’s who’s with me.
It’s everything I am and everything she could never be.
And so is hope.
So then, is she.
But only within me.
Without, she is her.
The person she became.
An enemy.
It saddens me.
It empties me.
But, it is me.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

You Have No Right

Yankee’s Fan (after noticing I was wearing a Red Sox hat): How do you like them Yankees?
Me: Not at all.
Yankee’s Fan: We’re the world champs.
Me: Uh-huh.
Yankee’s Fan: Red Sox suck.
Me: Okay.
Yankee’s Fan: I’m just messing with you. When does the season start?
Me: A week ago.
If you claim to be a fan of something that’s one thing. If you’re a Yankee’s fan and you want to give me shit, fine, I understand. I would give you shit too had the Red Sox won the World Series. But, if you claim to be a fan, then bust my balls about it, but you don’t even know that the season has started, let alone that the Red Sox and Yankees have already played a three game series, you have no right.
‘Nuff Said.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

We Threw Gasoline on the Fire, Now We Have Stumps For Arms and No Eyebrows

I've been tagged. Let me make this very clear to everyone. This is the only one of these I will EVER participate in. So, if any of you ever tag me again, there will be serious repercussions.
Having said that, let's get to it.
Seven things about me;
1. I am completely obsessed with the Boston Red Sox. When they win, my day is made. When they lose my day is ruined. When they lose to the Yankees, I cry myself to sleep. That's not true. But...well...let's move on.
2. I LOVE doing my History homework. I read 100 pages of Philip Caputo’s A Rumor of War today, watched four hours of historical footage on the Vietnam War and the Watergate scandal, and loved every minute of it.
3. If it weren’t for Monday looming, Sunday would be my favorite day of the week because it combines all of my favorite activities. Doing History homework, eating good food, watching baseball (if the season is on), and spending time with my family.
4. If you give me a chance, I will not disappoint, I am by FAR one of the most interesting people you will have ever met. I’m an enigma, “a riddle wrapped in a mystery. Yeah, more like a riddle wrapped in a Twinkie.” Bonus points for anyone who can tell me what that’s from.
5. I wrote a book and have several more ideas for more books. I have already turned in my first novel to literary agents to see if anyone is interested in picking me up. If no one is, I’ll write another one, if that doesn’t get picked up none of my other ideas will be put down on paper.
Five things that make me smile;
1. My cat
2. My wife
3. My irreverent family
4. Winslow
5. Thinking about the 2004 ALCS
So, my turn to do the tagging, I tag; Janelle (who never reads my blog), Chelsie Casper (who very probably never reads my blog), Winslow (who doesn’t know I have a blog), Tom (who very probably doesn’t know I have a blog) and my cat Fenway (who most likely will be the first one to reply to this). Just put your responses in my comment area, or on your own blog if you have them. But let me know when you do, I’d like to read them.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The Wendover Five

They’re a strange group of guys, the Wendover five,
And they have the same story as mine.
There’s a guy who builds fences, one who tracks expenses,
A bottler, a dealer, and I.
How did we get here? It’s not hard to tell.
But that’s a story you’re about to hear.
We jumped on the band wagon when the poker craze hit,
We’re the left-overs, cast outs, remnants.
We all have great memories they all seem so close,
But a memory is a memory, far off.
If it happened yesterday, it mattereth not,
May as well be Greek history, it’s forgot.
We used to have home games, we all loved to play.
It wasn’t for glory or fame.
It wasn’t for money, that’s just how we kept score,
It was for the good times, a loss, still a gain.
But now deemed immoral, the bonds they were broken,
You could almost see them crash to the ground.
We all got so close, so mended, so bound,
Yet it came crashing down without sound.
But oh the good times, sitting at that round table,
Trying to pass off fable after fable.
No one really cared if he folded or called,
It was on being together we thrived.
No one really cared for a buy-in or not,
A close tight-knit family we got.
But the ones deep within you
Are those who run with you,
These men who sit right by my side.
They’re my demons, my angels,
They all once were strangers,
But now we’re familiar and live.
We all make up stories about our past glories.
In a way, it’s how those memories survive.
But when it’s all over, at least we’ll have each other.
The sinners, the strange Wendover five.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

This is Not a Test of the Emergency Broadcast Association

This is kind of a test. It is a test of our endurance. Life as we know it in America has changed. It’s changed without any of us really realizing it, but it changed all the same. It’s time we recognize the shift and stop with this elitist attitude toward everyone. We’re sinking into third-world-nation status; when a country has an upper and lower class but no middle class. We are losing our middle class, it shrinks every year. The fiber our nation was built on is tearing, why this denial that we can still go on while throwing out our foundation with the bath water? We need to accept this, our time to step down has come. Our fall is imminent. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Look at Britain, they’re not the top dog anymore and yet, they are still successful. We can be another Britain, but let’s face it, we’re no longer Rome. America has changed forever. We have been surpassed in every major category; economy, military and education. We need to do the prudent thing and sink quietly into the shadows, or the repercussions may be more than any of us can bear.
Our economy, or at least what’s left of it, is shrunken and broken. Instead of hiring full-time employees, employers are hiring temps. The unpredictable market forecast is terrifying for these employers, they don’t want to hire full-time employees because they never know what tomorrow is going to look like. This puts the rest of us, at least a lot of us, with the constant fear of being laid off. The question; “will I still have a job tomorrow?” Is one I’m beginning to hear with alarming regularity, I myself fear this every single day. We’ve been passed by many as economic king of the hill, and fingers are being pointed everywhere. I got caught up in the “blame the Bush regime” party, and had actually convinced myself it was the previous administration’s fault. But, you know what? It’s not the Bush administration’s fault, it isn’t Obama’s fault. There are 300 million of us. We greatly outnumber our government officials. They answer to us. It isn’t the other way around. We let this happen. We destroyed our economy. We let gas prices grow out of control, we allowed the pharmaceutical companies to jack their prices up way too high, and we let the housing market destroy itself from the inside out. It’s because we did nothing. We didn’t care enough to, and unfortunately, it seems we still don’t. So what 300 million are we? That 300 million of angry, stupid, scared, pathetic populace, that helped to complete the destruction of our once-great economy? Or are we activists and progressives willing to do something about it? I fear we are the former, let’s change that.
We are spending a ridiculous amount of money on a people thousands of miles away, our boys are dying for something that we as Americans cannot define. Countless people died to stop the communists from spreading, many soldiers felt as though they were fighting phantoms over in the jungles of Vietnam. We’re fighting different phantoms now, but they’re still phantoms all the same. We created this hatred. The creation of Israel, the never-ending foreign interventions of the early 1900s up through today. There will never be peace in the Middle East, and it certainly won’t come at the point of a rifle. So, why fight? Diplomacy has worked there before. Look at the peace talks between then Israel Prime Minister Rabin and Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat, Clinton magnificently conducted these talks. The two bitterest rivals shook hands on the lawns of the White House. Things were moving. Then came the Camp David Accords, this was a landmark show of cooperation between Israeli and Egyptian leaders, Sadat and Begin. Real progress had been made, until Sadat was assassinated by one of his own. I know this piece of history seems bleak, but it should be a beacon of hope. Reason helped them to see the blood of their own people was not worth it. Okay, so maybe it just wasn’t the time for peace, but that doesn’t mean we don’t try diplomacy again. Many of the hatred for America coming out of that region stems from our support of Israel. We have to show that we support the world. Peace before pillaging. Love before lechery. We can do this. This never-ending battle is putting a strain on young men and women signing up. How does our government get by this? By sick promises of free higher-education and free health care for anyone signing up to be in the military. That’s disgusting. I’m not saying the men and women of our armed forces don’t deserve these luxuries, they do, I wholeheartedly believe they do. But when recruiters advertise this as a reason to join, it makes me sick. This is exploitation of the poor and underprivileged of our nation. Yes, the poor and underprivileged. Wars are not fight by the wealthy, they’re fought by the poor.
It has become apparent where America’s priorities are. We spend an immense amount more on our military than we do on our education system. This sends a clear message to the rest of the world. What you spend your money on shows what you feel is the most important thing in life. The alcoholic spends his or her money on alcohol, the drug addict’s money goes to drugs, and the country who feels conquest is more important than education spends their money on their military. No wonder our youth don’t take their education seriously. Their government doesn’t either. I don’t know how much clearer I can be in this regard. There is a silver-lining in all of this, however.
It may be too late to get back to what we were 50, 25 or even 10 years ago. However, our sense of community can help pull this nation up and become great again. It’s time to circle the wagons. Neutrality, though not ultimate neutrality, it would be impossible to return to an ultimate neutrality policy, is what we need to get back to. We have to fix our own problems first. We need to redefine our communities. We have to trust each other, and in return, can we be more trustworthy? Let’s not try to screw one another out of anything. These frivolous lawsuits have to go. Stealing, lying, judging, this harms everyone. Rape, murder, hatred, this has got to stop now. We all need to look in the mirror, this is a you problem, it’s a me problem, it’s not his fault or her fault, it’s not Bush’s fault or Obama’s fault, it’s our fault. Maybe this has to start with trust, maybe it has to start with us being more trustworthy, let’s work on both at the same time. How can we love one another when our minds and eyes have been closed and latched so tightly? To love someone, you have to accept them, to accept them, you have to accept all of them. This means the differences have to be put aside. Atheists, stop hating the religious. Religious, stop hating the gays. Conservatives, stop hating the liberals. Liberals, stop hating the conservatives. It really is not as hard as it seems. Our country is not what it used to be, and it never will be again. We have to recognize this change and redefine ourselves. Community is what’s important. Let’s build a strong national community before we try to build a strong world one.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Question? Answer! And other things that bug me.

Okay, I had another one of those moments today where all I can think to do is rant and rave about organized religion. Trust me, organized religion and I are not doing well at this moment in time. It isn’t that I dislike what the religions teach, or God, or even blind faith in God, though that bothers me a bit. What kills me, is the people of these organized religions, they corrupt it to the point that it isn’t recognizable anymore, it’s sad. But, I don’t want to become a bash religion blogger, we’ll tone it down to once a week on Sundays, (ironic, I know) and instead we’re going to go over the list of things that really bother me.
1. Question? Answer! This is horribly annoying, when you walk up to someone and say, “question?” And they respond with, “answer!” Does anyone else feel like they’re getting mocked somehow in this scenario?
2. When people say the term, “it bugs.” That bugs, it bugs me! I’ll put it into context for you. Person #1: “Hey did you happen to see the Oscars last night? Can’t believe Sandra Bullock took down best actress.” Person #2: “Yuck, I don’t like her, she bugs.” This phrase doesn’t make sense and should be outlawed under federal law.
3. When you’re waiting for your light to turn green and then it finally does, but oops! You can’t go, because there’s a never ending parade of cars STILL turning left, even though they got the red arrow 30 seconds ago. Honestly? I can see one car, you’re out in the intersection, the light turns yellow, okay, go. Two cars? Viable excuse, you may have accidentally crept up a little too far and you have to go. But three? Four? I counted today, five cars went through a red arrow? WTF? So inconsiderate.
4. Facebook and Myspace addicts, notice I said addicts. Yes, by all means, check these sites once or twice daily. Waiting for an important Myspace or Facebook message, which by the way is most like an oxymoron? Fine, check it that third time, but if you find yourself on these sites more than three times a day, 21 times a week, almost 100 times a month, over 1,000 times a year, which let’s be honest these figure are generous compared to how many times some people check them, you’re addicted. Get a life. Go outside!
5. Television shows. We all need to come to terms with something, there is nothing on TV that is more important than ANYTHING ELSE we could be doing. I’m guilty of this myself, there are shows that I HAVE to see every week. If we all made a conscious effort to miss our shows for one week, I don’t know if the world would still be around after that week. Too much added aggression would lead to World War III, IV, V and VI in the span of just seven days.
Okay, I better stop for now, I’m feeling a pain in my left arm and I don’t want to die of cardiac arrest just thinking about what pisses me off. Life’s too short. But be sure to check for the next installment of this. Which I have no idea when that will be.
Until then. ‘Nuff Said.