I recently watched a video on Youtube called “Jessica’s Daily Affirmation”. The positiveness of it made me want to vomit. So, I decided to do something similar, just with my own spin on it. I’m going to be honest, I got this idea from comedian Daniel Tosh on his show Tosh.0. So, without further adieu, here is my first ever “I Hate” blog.
• I hate the Yankees
• I hate my job
• I hate the tea party
• I hate Verizon
• I hate when someone does bunny ears in a picture
• I hate when someone takes a surprise photograph of you
• I hate when people take too many pictures
• I hate it when I’m driving on the freeway and someone starts drifting in my lane
• I hate it when you’re driving in the fast lane going 75 on a two-lane highway and the diesel in the right lane decides he’s going to pass the diesel in front of him because the guy in front of him can only go 43 miles per hour, while he is cruising at 47, so he gets over right in front of me to pass the other guy. (This is particularly annoying when there isn’t anyone behind me for miles.)
• I hate waiting for people to get ready
• I hate Geico and Progressive commercials, the googly eye stack of money isn’t funny, it never was
• I hate that freecreditreport.com decided they needed to change their band, they were fine the way they were, don’t fix what isn’t broken
• I hate soccer
• I hate that I need a degree to achieve my career goals and it keeps getting harder to become a teacher in the state of Utah, meanwhile every pedophile and creep can somehow get jobs as teachers and then everyone is surprised when they get busted having an inappropriate relationship with one of their students or child pornography on their computer
• I hate Mad TV
• I hate Scrubs
• I hate Larry the Cable Guy
• I hate Jeff Dunham
• I hate Jeff Foxworthy
• I hate Bill Engvall
• I hate people who love these comedians, yet they haven’t ever heard of comedians like Mike Birbiglia or Demetri Martin, the Blue Collar Comedy Tour isn’t funny, neither is Akhmed, “I keel you,” isn’t funny, if you haven’t heard anything by Mike Birbiglia, I don’t respect your comedic opinion, if you think any of the afore mentioned “comedians” are funny, I don’t respect your opinion period
• I hate Creed
• I hate Christian rock
• I hate Daughtery
• I hate American Idol
• I hate Dave Matthews Band
• I hate that stupid Owl City song about fireflies that plays on the radio every 17 seconds
• I hate country music
• I hate Toby Keith
• I hate Edward
• I hate Jacob
• I hate Twilight, let’s face it, this is just the new dime novel, wish Van Hellsing would do us all a favor and put an arrow from his cross bow through that fagot vampire's heart
• I hate touching moments interfering with my sporting events
• I hate the UFC
• I hate MMA
• I hate the WNBA, if I want to see a group of basketball players missing shots at point blank range, I’ll go to my local Gold’s Gym, it’s free-er
• I hate Gold’s Gym
• I hate the World Cup, I’m glad it’s over, finally ESPN can start reporting on real sports
• I hate NASCAR
• I hate Lady Gaga
• I hate fat chicks that dress skanky and then say things like, “I’m just proud of what God gave me.” Pretty sure it wasn’t God, think Dave Thomas had more to do with it, God rest his soul
• I hate parents that have kids, that they have no intention of ever being responsible for. We go through boot camp to get a driver license, yet the opportunity to destroy a human being from birth is completely free, sounds like it’s time for the government to step in
• I hate blogs
• I hate bloggers
• I hate blogging
Okay, I’m pretty sure I’ve offended everyone, if you feel left out, take solace in this, there’s a pretty good chance that deep down, I hate something about you. If you’re still reading, it’s your turn, tell me what you hate. I look forward to hearing from you, even those cyber stalkers that I know read my blog because I see the stats piling up, yet none of you are leaving comments. I hate that the most.
‘Nuff Said.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
R.I.P. 1891-2010
I was watching the Miami celebration last night for the acquisition of LeBron James, Chris Bosh and the re-signing of Dwayne Wade. They haven’t even won a game together and they are acting like they broke the record for most consecutive NBA championships. I’m speaking as a fan of the game, not a fan of that league. I do have my favorite NBA team, the Boston Celtics, but I rarely sit down to watch, and I’m not a fan to the point of using terms like us, we or them. So, I think I’m writing this from a pretty level-headed perspective. I’m trying to be as objective as I can and as unbiased as possible. What I saw last night was really more of a sound that I heard. It was the last strand of credibility the NBA has breaking. For those of you that read my last blog about the NBA you know the set-up which has led to this fall. Sure, the NBA will still be popular, but after last night, it really shouldn’t be. It’s turned into a reality T.V. show, professional wrestling. Come autumn, they may as well just give the players foldable chairs to beat each other up with during games. I don’t want to go into any detail about the celebration, but go look it up, you will be appalled, if you have any sense in you at all. The NBA lost all credibility it had left with the shenanigans of the LeBron James signing. It has proven this is not a team sport at the NBA level, and is becoming more reminiscent of professional wrestling than it is of Michael Jordan’s NBA.
Kobe Bryant. There’s a man who can now sleep a little better at night. The debate has been settled. Who’s the best player in the NBA? Kobe Bryant. There’s not a debate anymore. He stuck it out when times got tough, he didn’t have the best front office either. He demanded a trade, but come on people, Los Angeles is a destination, like New York in baseball, or New England in Football. You don’t demand to be traded if you’re the best player in the league playing for the best team in the league. This demand was really just to get his front office people moving on getting some players around him. In other words, he worked with what he had. He loves Los Angeles, you can tell. When all is said and done he did not, nor did he ever want to, leave Los Angeles. The true ‘King’ builds his kingdom. He does not move in with another ‘King’ and hope that things will work out. King Bryant, to me, sounds much better than King James, cause after all, what did he give us, historically? A version of the bible written by Shakespeare. Yeah, a Hollywood adaptation, (I realize Hollywood was not around at the time, but if it were that’s where Shakespeare would have been) of the bible. Literally, taking it from its purest form and destroying it, corrupting it. King James wanted it to be more poetic, that’s why he commissioned Shakespeare. You have to take the good with the bad. The bible was written rough, because it was supposed to be. It takes a bit of piss to make victory taste as sweet as it does. The 2007 Boston Celtics and the current Miami Heat are the culmination of what our society has become. They don’t want to build for anything. They don’t think patience is important, they want it all, and they want it now.
This was the first time in the history of sports that a player has held, not only his league, but the entire sports world hostage. Sure, there was Brett Favre, but that wasn’t nearly as bad. There was Tiger Woods, but he really just held golf hostage. Golf isn’t a team sport anyway, it is all about one man (or woman, cool it bleeding hearts). So, it’s okay for one person to hold golf hostage. Has this ever happened in the NHL? Gretzky? I don’t think so, he traded teams, but no one really cared. Hockey is a team sport, it isn’t about one man. In the MLB you had Reggie Jackson moving from Oakland to New York, that was a big deal, but not nearly this big. Because these are team sports. These last few weeks have shown us that the NBA cares more about individuals rather than teams, making this not a team sport. So let’s all stop being hypocrites, shall we? My favorite team is the Boston Paul Pierces. Who’s your favorite team? Do you like the Los Angeles Kobe Bryants? Or how about the Oklahoma City Kevin Durants? Perhaps you’re a fan of the Orlando Dwight Howards? Or maybe even the Miami LeBron Jamesesesssss? Can’t do that in any other sport can you? The New York Derek Jeters? No, that’s a team, they’re the Yankees. The Pittsburgh Sidney Crosbys? No, they’re the Penguins. Okay, here’s one, the Indianapolis Peyton Mannings? NO! You see, even the most obvious one in the NFL, the one who has the biggest impact on his franchise is not above the game. They are the Colts. No one in any other sport is above the game, it happens all the time in the NBA. Basketball, your credibility is dwindling.
I don’t think I could have made a blog entry about the NBA without mentioning Michael Jordan. Fans of the game say his name with reverence. He is quite possibly the most famous athlete that has ever lived. Sure, he left Chicago, twice. I don’t feel this damages his legacy. Once was because his father died, and he wanted to honor him by trying his hand at his father’s favorite sport. When that didn’t work out he went right back to Chicago. He left again, and he came back again. This time for the Wizards. He didn’t go to a powerhouse, he came back because he loved the game of basketball. He wanted to play. In Chicago, he didn’t jump ship when things looked rough. They added small pieces every year. He got beat up by Detroit three years in a row. He wanted to be the guy everyone looked to. Everyone knew he was getting the last shot, and he still made it. He put a mediocre franchise on his back and carried it to six NBA championships. James couldn’t do that. Wade? Nope. Jordan was a winner, but he didn’t forsake teamwork to become it.
Sleep tight Mike. Rest easy Kobe. Though the league you both have in common is turning into a freak show, a 30 ring circus, you truly are kings of the court. Your legacies, for now, are intact and safe. Russell’s 11 will not be matched for some time. I’m calling for a boycott of the NBA. Please join me. I’m going to bridge the gap between the football and baseball seasons with hockey. It really is only the fans who can let the league know how we feel. Stop watching the games, stop attending them, don’t visit the websites. We need to let them know how we feel, cheated and treated like children. The only sad thing about this is the death in the family. He was young and so full of life, hope and optimism. He grew into a strong young adult and had his hay day in the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s and most of the 90s. In the late 90s he began to slip, toward the end it was looking pretty bleak. We’ll always have the memories of him to keep us going. Let’s try to look back on the better days, and not remember these last few years where he was a bitter, forgetful old man. Do us a favor now, and rest in peace. Here lies the integrity of the game of basketball; 1891-2010.
Kobe Bryant. There’s a man who can now sleep a little better at night. The debate has been settled. Who’s the best player in the NBA? Kobe Bryant. There’s not a debate anymore. He stuck it out when times got tough, he didn’t have the best front office either. He demanded a trade, but come on people, Los Angeles is a destination, like New York in baseball, or New England in Football. You don’t demand to be traded if you’re the best player in the league playing for the best team in the league. This demand was really just to get his front office people moving on getting some players around him. In other words, he worked with what he had. He loves Los Angeles, you can tell. When all is said and done he did not, nor did he ever want to, leave Los Angeles. The true ‘King’ builds his kingdom. He does not move in with another ‘King’ and hope that things will work out. King Bryant, to me, sounds much better than King James, cause after all, what did he give us, historically? A version of the bible written by Shakespeare. Yeah, a Hollywood adaptation, (I realize Hollywood was not around at the time, but if it were that’s where Shakespeare would have been) of the bible. Literally, taking it from its purest form and destroying it, corrupting it. King James wanted it to be more poetic, that’s why he commissioned Shakespeare. You have to take the good with the bad. The bible was written rough, because it was supposed to be. It takes a bit of piss to make victory taste as sweet as it does. The 2007 Boston Celtics and the current Miami Heat are the culmination of what our society has become. They don’t want to build for anything. They don’t think patience is important, they want it all, and they want it now.
This was the first time in the history of sports that a player has held, not only his league, but the entire sports world hostage. Sure, there was Brett Favre, but that wasn’t nearly as bad. There was Tiger Woods, but he really just held golf hostage. Golf isn’t a team sport anyway, it is all about one man (or woman, cool it bleeding hearts). So, it’s okay for one person to hold golf hostage. Has this ever happened in the NHL? Gretzky? I don’t think so, he traded teams, but no one really cared. Hockey is a team sport, it isn’t about one man. In the MLB you had Reggie Jackson moving from Oakland to New York, that was a big deal, but not nearly this big. Because these are team sports. These last few weeks have shown us that the NBA cares more about individuals rather than teams, making this not a team sport. So let’s all stop being hypocrites, shall we? My favorite team is the Boston Paul Pierces. Who’s your favorite team? Do you like the Los Angeles Kobe Bryants? Or how about the Oklahoma City Kevin Durants? Perhaps you’re a fan of the Orlando Dwight Howards? Or maybe even the Miami LeBron Jamesesesssss? Can’t do that in any other sport can you? The New York Derek Jeters? No, that’s a team, they’re the Yankees. The Pittsburgh Sidney Crosbys? No, they’re the Penguins. Okay, here’s one, the Indianapolis Peyton Mannings? NO! You see, even the most obvious one in the NFL, the one who has the biggest impact on his franchise is not above the game. They are the Colts. No one in any other sport is above the game, it happens all the time in the NBA. Basketball, your credibility is dwindling.
I don’t think I could have made a blog entry about the NBA without mentioning Michael Jordan. Fans of the game say his name with reverence. He is quite possibly the most famous athlete that has ever lived. Sure, he left Chicago, twice. I don’t feel this damages his legacy. Once was because his father died, and he wanted to honor him by trying his hand at his father’s favorite sport. When that didn’t work out he went right back to Chicago. He left again, and he came back again. This time for the Wizards. He didn’t go to a powerhouse, he came back because he loved the game of basketball. He wanted to play. In Chicago, he didn’t jump ship when things looked rough. They added small pieces every year. He got beat up by Detroit three years in a row. He wanted to be the guy everyone looked to. Everyone knew he was getting the last shot, and he still made it. He put a mediocre franchise on his back and carried it to six NBA championships. James couldn’t do that. Wade? Nope. Jordan was a winner, but he didn’t forsake teamwork to become it.
Sleep tight Mike. Rest easy Kobe. Though the league you both have in common is turning into a freak show, a 30 ring circus, you truly are kings of the court. Your legacies, for now, are intact and safe. Russell’s 11 will not be matched for some time. I’m calling for a boycott of the NBA. Please join me. I’m going to bridge the gap between the football and baseball seasons with hockey. It really is only the fans who can let the league know how we feel. Stop watching the games, stop attending them, don’t visit the websites. We need to let them know how we feel, cheated and treated like children. The only sad thing about this is the death in the family. He was young and so full of life, hope and optimism. He grew into a strong young adult and had his hay day in the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s and most of the 90s. In the late 90s he began to slip, toward the end it was looking pretty bleak. We’ll always have the memories of him to keep us going. Let’s try to look back on the better days, and not remember these last few years where he was a bitter, forgetful old man. Do us a favor now, and rest in peace. Here lies the integrity of the game of basketball; 1891-2010.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
It's Precisely My Sense of Humor That Keeps Me From Laughing at That, When Someone Provides Humor, I Will Sense It
I noticed that my sense of humor is not an easy one to grasp. It can be dry, satirical, sarcastic, crass, rude, crude, vulgar, offensive, racist, sacrilegious, irreverent, goofy, dumb, obvious, haughty, immature, facetious, deceitful, nerdy, geeky, sexist, honest, blasphemous, heretical, mean, hurtful and a variety of other things. However, I never do or say anything, with humor in mind, with any amount of malice in my heart, or the intention to hurt anyone on my mind. Now, having said that, I can’t stand spending time with people who don’t get my sense of humor. Maybe the problem is me, maybe I don’t have anything funny to say. Everyone thinks they’re funny, most of them are not. However, I have found people that have senses of humor that mesh well with my own, this is something special that only we can share. We work well off of each other and the chaos that ensues is glorious and beautiful. There are four people in this world who have senses of humor that I feel mix with mine the best, I call them the four horsemen, okay I don’t, but I do now. They know who they are, so I don’t have to go into any detail, but when I’m with one of these people, I cherish every moment of it. I have never been with all four of them at the same time. If that were to happen, I’m pretty sure the world would stop spinning on its axis and go into a coma due to comedic delirium. Now that I think about it, their senses of humor wouldn’t mesh well together, maybe it would just be me going into the coma.
No matter who you are, you have a sense of humor. Some people have dull or bland senses of humor. These people are often accused of having no sense of humor. They still do, it just isn’t a very good sense of humor. I was recently in a situation where I was with said people, or perhaps just a group of people who didn’t get my sense of humor. I’m going to go over two situations with this group and I will let you be the judge. The first situation is a two part situation; in the first part, I was at a gathering and decided to use a line that, one of the four horsemen mentioned earlier uses on a frequent basis. We’ve all seen “The Princess Bride,” you know that famous line where Wallace Shawn proclaims, “stop rhyming I mean it!” And Andre the Giant famously retorts, “anybody want a peanut?” Well, this particular horseman changes the wording to say, “stop rhyming I mean this.” Where automatically the person retorting begins with, anybody want a, but stops dead in mid-sentence, because what naturally comes next is the word penis. I don’t know if this is funny, but I think it is. I delivered the line and was greeted with a roomful of crickets. Nothing. The next day, around similar but somewhat different company, I thought I would give the line one last try. This time it was greeted with silence for about three seconds that seemed like minutes until someone finally says, “don’t you mean, stop rhyming I mean it?” I found humor in their lack of grasping this humor. So, am I right in this situation? You be the judge. The next situation is with the same gathering of people, as the night was spiraling into a hopeless chasm of humorless despair, I dug deep and pulled out a line that I feel is comedic gold, another line from one of my four horsemen. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? I got courtesy laughs. It was at this point that I decided to stop trying my sense of humor on this particular group of individuals. I’m not blaming them for not understanding my sense of humor, different people laugh at different things. Two of my four horsemen like Napoleon Dynamite for crying out loud, NAPOLEON DYNAMITE!!! Yes, one of, if not, the worst movie of all time.
So, maybe I’m not very funny, but laughter and humor is one of the most important things in my life. I’m not saying people are awful for not getting my sense of humor, I’m not even saying I don’t like being around these people. I’m just saying when I am, I’m a duck out of water. I would rather surround myself with people who have senses of humor that mesh well with mine. When I’m there, I’m a circular peg going into an oblong hole (that’s what she said). I’m more comfortable when I’m fitting in seamlessly, I fit in seamlessly with the misfits. You know? The people who haven’t been able to fit in seamlessly anywhere else. That’s home, and where my home is, we’re currently not accepting applications, there aren’t any openings, and when we do bring on a new person, it never works out. I’m not saying I won’t be able to someday give someone a chance, but I’m good for right now. I’m happy where I fit in, and with the people I fit in with. Is that so wrong of me? In the end, isn’t that what everyone wants? A place to feel at home? I’m going to end this entry with quite possibly the funniest knock-knock joke you’ve ever heard in your entire life.
Are you ready for it?
Okay.
You Start. (Thanks for that Cody, you see my humor comes from a vast variety of senses of humor, so though I’ll always miss more than I hit, I know of a few people that think I’m pretty funny.)
Until next time, ‘Nuff Said.
No matter who you are, you have a sense of humor. Some people have dull or bland senses of humor. These people are often accused of having no sense of humor. They still do, it just isn’t a very good sense of humor. I was recently in a situation where I was with said people, or perhaps just a group of people who didn’t get my sense of humor. I’m going to go over two situations with this group and I will let you be the judge. The first situation is a two part situation; in the first part, I was at a gathering and decided to use a line that, one of the four horsemen mentioned earlier uses on a frequent basis. We’ve all seen “The Princess Bride,” you know that famous line where Wallace Shawn proclaims, “stop rhyming I mean it!” And Andre the Giant famously retorts, “anybody want a peanut?” Well, this particular horseman changes the wording to say, “stop rhyming I mean this.” Where automatically the person retorting begins with, anybody want a, but stops dead in mid-sentence, because what naturally comes next is the word penis. I don’t know if this is funny, but I think it is. I delivered the line and was greeted with a roomful of crickets. Nothing. The next day, around similar but somewhat different company, I thought I would give the line one last try. This time it was greeted with silence for about three seconds that seemed like minutes until someone finally says, “don’t you mean, stop rhyming I mean it?” I found humor in their lack of grasping this humor. So, am I right in this situation? You be the judge. The next situation is with the same gathering of people, as the night was spiraling into a hopeless chasm of humorless despair, I dug deep and pulled out a line that I feel is comedic gold, another line from one of my four horsemen. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? I got courtesy laughs. It was at this point that I decided to stop trying my sense of humor on this particular group of individuals. I’m not blaming them for not understanding my sense of humor, different people laugh at different things. Two of my four horsemen like Napoleon Dynamite for crying out loud, NAPOLEON DYNAMITE!!! Yes, one of, if not, the worst movie of all time.
So, maybe I’m not very funny, but laughter and humor is one of the most important things in my life. I’m not saying people are awful for not getting my sense of humor, I’m not even saying I don’t like being around these people. I’m just saying when I am, I’m a duck out of water. I would rather surround myself with people who have senses of humor that mesh well with mine. When I’m there, I’m a circular peg going into an oblong hole (that’s what she said). I’m more comfortable when I’m fitting in seamlessly, I fit in seamlessly with the misfits. You know? The people who haven’t been able to fit in seamlessly anywhere else. That’s home, and where my home is, we’re currently not accepting applications, there aren’t any openings, and when we do bring on a new person, it never works out. I’m not saying I won’t be able to someday give someone a chance, but I’m good for right now. I’m happy where I fit in, and with the people I fit in with. Is that so wrong of me? In the end, isn’t that what everyone wants? A place to feel at home? I’m going to end this entry with quite possibly the funniest knock-knock joke you’ve ever heard in your entire life.
Are you ready for it?
Okay.
You Start. (Thanks for that Cody, you see my humor comes from a vast variety of senses of humor, so though I’ll always miss more than I hit, I know of a few people that think I’m pretty funny.)
Until next time, ‘Nuff Said.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Screw The Perfect People
All the perfect people, shallow and deceitful,
Staring back at me on T.V. in magazines.
Look so good like a box of fresh wrapped Twinkies,
What the hell happened to me?
So, I took a drive to a rich and wealthy country,
Saw everything I wanted and everything I need.
Went right up and I tried to join their party
You oughta seen the look when they saw me.
!@#$%& up eyes, stupid grin.
Perfect people won’t let me in.
Who’s who list, where’s my name?
They won’t let me join their game.
I bet they think that I’m insane.
There’s no one left for me to blame.
Screw the perfect people,
@#$%, they all look the same.
We ain’t much to look at, too short, dumb and so fat.
Never gonna win a beauty pageant, it’s a curse.
Always gonna be a better doorman at the best clubs.
How could things be any worse?
!@#$%& up eyes, stupid grin.
Perfect people won’t let me in.
Who’s who list, where’s my name?
They won’t let me join their game.
I bet they think that I’m insane.
There’s no one left for me to blame.
Screw the perfect people,
@#$%, they all look the same.
Don’t have much to go on, don’t want your opinion.
Don’t have much to gain and I ain’t got much to lose.
It looks like you’ve got it all and I’d really like to get some.
You’ve got something I could use.
!@#$%& up eyes, stupid grin.
Perfect people won’t let me in.
Who’s who list, where’s my name?
They won’t let me join their game.
I bet they think that I’m insane.
There’s no one left for me to blame.
Screw the perfect people,
@#$%, they all look the same.
This is a perfect song for how I am feeling right now. It’s by a punk rock band named Pennywise. I am off on a family vacation with these “perfect people.” It’s going to be interesting to say the least. Two of them are goddesses, two Adonises, one shedding pounds by using HCG and the other lost a lot of weight using illegal drugs. Now, the last one is just circumstantial evidence, she’d never be convicted in a court of law, but it’s still pretty damning. This is also a perfect song for my family whom I love dearly. We are, most of us, too short, dumb and so fat. But, that’s okay over on that side of the fence. My wife and I are by no means perfect, but we are working on it. She’s having some set-backs due to hypo-thyroid, so she isn’t dropping weight by the pounds, but she’s making modest losses, and working her ass off. It gets frustrating and aggravating, but there’s nothing we can do about it other than keep eating right and exercising, thank Tony Horton for P90X, that really is helping a lot. Having said that, we don’t need to hear about our extra weight every five minutes. We’re not completely obese, but yes, we do have some extra baggage. My wife’s mom has to make sure we know that by asking my wife if she’s pregnant every 15 minutes. That shit would never happen with my mom. There’s something called tact, use it. Especially when someone is working that hard to try to lose the weight. So, we’re trying to make it fun. We have a bet going. It sits at 25. Twenty-five times someone will make reference to my wife’s stomach while we’re on the trip. She has the under, I have the over. Easiest bet I’ll ever win. Screw the perfect people, @#$% they all look the same.
‘Nuff Said.
Staring back at me on T.V. in magazines.
Look so good like a box of fresh wrapped Twinkies,
What the hell happened to me?
So, I took a drive to a rich and wealthy country,
Saw everything I wanted and everything I need.
Went right up and I tried to join their party
You oughta seen the look when they saw me.
!@#$%& up eyes, stupid grin.
Perfect people won’t let me in.
Who’s who list, where’s my name?
They won’t let me join their game.
I bet they think that I’m insane.
There’s no one left for me to blame.
Screw the perfect people,
@#$%, they all look the same.
We ain’t much to look at, too short, dumb and so fat.
Never gonna win a beauty pageant, it’s a curse.
Always gonna be a better doorman at the best clubs.
How could things be any worse?
!@#$%& up eyes, stupid grin.
Perfect people won’t let me in.
Who’s who list, where’s my name?
They won’t let me join their game.
I bet they think that I’m insane.
There’s no one left for me to blame.
Screw the perfect people,
@#$%, they all look the same.
Don’t have much to go on, don’t want your opinion.
Don’t have much to gain and I ain’t got much to lose.
It looks like you’ve got it all and I’d really like to get some.
You’ve got something I could use.
!@#$%& up eyes, stupid grin.
Perfect people won’t let me in.
Who’s who list, where’s my name?
They won’t let me join their game.
I bet they think that I’m insane.
There’s no one left for me to blame.
Screw the perfect people,
@#$%, they all look the same.
This is a perfect song for how I am feeling right now. It’s by a punk rock band named Pennywise. I am off on a family vacation with these “perfect people.” It’s going to be interesting to say the least. Two of them are goddesses, two Adonises, one shedding pounds by using HCG and the other lost a lot of weight using illegal drugs. Now, the last one is just circumstantial evidence, she’d never be convicted in a court of law, but it’s still pretty damning. This is also a perfect song for my family whom I love dearly. We are, most of us, too short, dumb and so fat. But, that’s okay over on that side of the fence. My wife and I are by no means perfect, but we are working on it. She’s having some set-backs due to hypo-thyroid, so she isn’t dropping weight by the pounds, but she’s making modest losses, and working her ass off. It gets frustrating and aggravating, but there’s nothing we can do about it other than keep eating right and exercising, thank Tony Horton for P90X, that really is helping a lot. Having said that, we don’t need to hear about our extra weight every five minutes. We’re not completely obese, but yes, we do have some extra baggage. My wife’s mom has to make sure we know that by asking my wife if she’s pregnant every 15 minutes. That shit would never happen with my mom. There’s something called tact, use it. Especially when someone is working that hard to try to lose the weight. So, we’re trying to make it fun. We have a bet going. It sits at 25. Twenty-five times someone will make reference to my wife’s stomach while we’re on the trip. She has the under, I have the over. Easiest bet I’ll ever win. Screw the perfect people, @#$% they all look the same.
‘Nuff Said.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
I Do My Own Stunts
Let's be honest. These t-shirts are not funny. You know the ones. They have those clever little sayings on them, like, for example; "I do my own stunts," or "Here I am, now what are your other two wishes?" These sayings would be funny, if you heard them ONCE in a setting where you're just talking with some friends. Why would anyone want to read this every single day. You see, there's a deeper humor here, these shirts say something about the individual wearing them. Basically it's; "I'm not a very funny individual, but the guy who thought up this saying on my shirt is pretty funny. See what he said there; "I can only please one person a day, today isn't your day, tomorrow isn't looking good either." Hilarious, right? That means if he's funny, and I'm wearing the shirt he made, I'm funny by association. Maybe girls will like me now." I've only seen one shirt like this that made me laugh out loud, it said; "Rehab's for quitters." That's pretty funny, but I still wouldn't want to wear it everyday.
'Nuff Said
'Nuff Said
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Even Though I Don't Agree With His Parenting Skills
I am grateful for the person my step-dad is and how he raised me. I’m sure when Craig was growing up he didn’t have dreams of raising eight children, he probably didn’t have dreams of raising any. He was a die-hard Green Bay Packers fan and most likely thought about playing in big games as their starting quarterback; gaining thousands of fans, having pretty girls with the Farah Fawcett swoop following him around, and even gaining countless “people he knows”. Cause you see, Craig doesn’t have friends, he has; neighbors, co-workers, family members and people he knows. But, it is this kind of mentality that makes us love Craig. His goofy antics make him the kind of person that’s fun to be around and would make anyone proud to be a person he knows.
I had a wonderful opportunity in this life. I’ve had the two most amazing dads anyone could ask for. When it was time for one to step aside, he did. My biological father left this world when I was just six years old. It was like he was waiting to make sure we were in good hands before he could leave. I know he’s still there, still making sure we have what we need. However, his work is cut in half because of everything Craig does for us. So, Happy Fathers Day Dad! Even though I don’t agree with you leaving this world when I just six, I still love you.
My fondest memories with my step-dad are riddled with watching sports games and playing sports with him. He would always come to every football, basketball and baseball game of mine, that didn’t interfere with his work schedule, and I know he felt bad when he couldn’t make it. He’s the most supportive person I know. My favorite sports teams are his, and even when my favorite teams play his, I can’t help but smile when he cheers the BoSox on over his Angels. However, it’s the one-on-one moments we shared that were so precious to me, and I’m not even sure he realizes how much of an impact they had on me. Probably the memory I look back on the most was arriving home from school and sitting down with some Hot Pockets to watch Jeopardy! with him. We would clap along with the audience whenever a player would choose a Daily Double clue, even if the contestant was the person we were rooting for to lose. I clap to this day when the Daily Doubles are chosen.
He would give the shirt off his back to anyone in his family. He goes to every soccer game he can, sometimes several a day, no matter how sick he is of seeing little kids attempt to kick a ball. He’s always willing to drop everything to help a member of his family. His cynicism is unrivaled. He has opened his arms to Kai, and treats him as though he is his grandson, though they share no relation at all. He is my step-dad.
So once again, even though I don’t agree with many of your life choices, I love you and want to wish you a Happy Fathers Day. That’s right, nothing’s sacred in this family. That’s what we call tongue-in-cheek. But seriously, Happy Fathers Day!
I had a wonderful opportunity in this life. I’ve had the two most amazing dads anyone could ask for. When it was time for one to step aside, he did. My biological father left this world when I was just six years old. It was like he was waiting to make sure we were in good hands before he could leave. I know he’s still there, still making sure we have what we need. However, his work is cut in half because of everything Craig does for us. So, Happy Fathers Day Dad! Even though I don’t agree with you leaving this world when I just six, I still love you.
My fondest memories with my step-dad are riddled with watching sports games and playing sports with him. He would always come to every football, basketball and baseball game of mine, that didn’t interfere with his work schedule, and I know he felt bad when he couldn’t make it. He’s the most supportive person I know. My favorite sports teams are his, and even when my favorite teams play his, I can’t help but smile when he cheers the BoSox on over his Angels. However, it’s the one-on-one moments we shared that were so precious to me, and I’m not even sure he realizes how much of an impact they had on me. Probably the memory I look back on the most was arriving home from school and sitting down with some Hot Pockets to watch Jeopardy! with him. We would clap along with the audience whenever a player would choose a Daily Double clue, even if the contestant was the person we were rooting for to lose. I clap to this day when the Daily Doubles are chosen.
He would give the shirt off his back to anyone in his family. He goes to every soccer game he can, sometimes several a day, no matter how sick he is of seeing little kids attempt to kick a ball. He’s always willing to drop everything to help a member of his family. His cynicism is unrivaled. He has opened his arms to Kai, and treats him as though he is his grandson, though they share no relation at all. He is my step-dad.
So once again, even though I don’t agree with many of your life choices, I love you and want to wish you a Happy Fathers Day. That’s right, nothing’s sacred in this family. That’s what we call tongue-in-cheek. But seriously, Happy Fathers Day!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
It's Official...
My brother, while totally insane, has hit the nail right on the head. The NBA is fixed. Not to the extent that he says it is, but to a certain degree it is. This is seen in the very recent history of the league. Now, being that this is my first sports entry, please do not stop reading. I know that most of my readers are not people who are into sports, but this will hopefully be interesting and enjoyable for all to read. Let’s rewind to the offseason just before the 2007-2008 NBA season. The Boston Celtics were coming off their worst season in franchise history, winning something like 16 games or some dismal number like that. Kevin Garnett of the Minnesota Timberwolves is on the market, he’s not a free agent, but the T-Wolves are interested in shopping him around, Boston is first in line. Kevin McHale, a long-time Boston Celtic great has been conveniently put in as Minnesota’s general manager. Garnett makes it very publicly known that he does not want to go to Boston, why would he play for such a terrible team? If he wanted to do that, he could just stay with Minnesota. Miraculously, just a few days later, the Boston Celtics secure perennial all-star Ray Allen, suddenly Boston doesn’t look too bad. Not only have they secured two super-stars for several years, they have young players they are willing to deal. They are ready to make a move for Garnett, a big three is more enticing than just little old Paul Pierce. They make Garnett an offer, Minnesota accepts. Normally, this deal would surely have gotten rejected. Not only did the Timberwolves get completely ripped off, the NBA, under normal circumstances, would have watched this deal like a hawk. With Kevin McHale over in Minnesota, making no bones about saying he still has loyalties to the Celtics, this deal would not have been brokered, it would have been stopped dead as a conflict of interest. The Celtics secure Garnett for almost nothing. Okay, so that’s only three players, you can’t win a championship on that. Not long after this deal, the Celtics are able to sign two lock-down defenders; point guard Eddie House, and Forward James Posey. Suddenly the Celtics are looking like a championship contender. You see, the NBA needs a good basketball team is Boston, it’s too big of a market to have them as a financial liability. Not to mention the history surrounding this franchise.
So, you’ve got your powerhouse in the Eastern Conference, a rejuvenated Boston team ready to hit the ground running. Now all the NBA needed was Kobe to stay in Los Angeles. At around this same time, the Lakers had been struggling through their own seasons. With the departure of Shaq and most of the city wanting Kobe’s head on a platter, the basketball culture in Los Angeles was ready to collapse. Enter Pao Gasol. A guy the Lakers were able to get from Memphis for less than Boston had to give up for Garnett. With the return of Derek Fisher and the acquisition of Lamar Odom, the Lakers were ready to roll. The rivalry the NBA so desperately wanted to see rekindled was a lock. They could not let one of the best Celtics of all time (Paul Pierce) and one of the best Lakers of all time (Kobe Bryant) never square off for a championship. It had to happen. These teams inevitably met in the finals in June of 2008 and the Celtics got the better of the Lakers. Here’s the kicker, it didn’t matter who won that one, the other was going to win the next time these teams met up. They couldn’t let one Laker great get the better of the other Celtic great and vice versa. It just wasn’t right. Had Los Angeles won that series in 2008, this year’s NBA Finals would have had a very different outcome.
What about Orlando, you say? Yeah, what about Orlando? After all, if the NBA was fixed wouldn’t it have been Lebron vs. Kobe last year, or even a Boston vs. Los Angeles rematch? This is where the script writers for the NBA gain their genius status. That series was a perfect distraction to keep the fans from seeing the ultimate picture. They needed to toss in a throw-away series. One that Los Angeles could cake-walk through, pulling them just two titles away from tying Boston for the all-time lead. With them a lock to win the title over Boston this year, they are now just within one. You see, the NFL has a near monopoly when it comes to ratings. When the seasons overlap, football games are always taking precedent over basketball games. The viewers make the choice, and these companies have to adapt. Yes, these are companies, business and money are their bottom line. Do you think the NBA would draw as much money if this finals had been Cleveland vs. Utah? Or Orlando vs. Phoenix? Absolutely not. They need the money and the ratings to be able to compete with the NFL. Now, I’m not saying the NBA is entirely fixed. I think it would be impossible to choreograph it so that Kobe can miss and make a basket on cue. But, is it so hard to believe that perhaps the big-wigs of the NBA hold closed doors meeting with important team officials and the heads of the referee union? Perhaps it is scripted a little bit. Big games always garner blown calls, bad calls and often times silenced whistles. The star power speaks for itself. The NBA consistently uses the referees as their crutch, throwing them under the bus and giving out bogus penalties when they really screw the pooch. However, their ultimate enemy is the NFL. This is their ultimate competition, it’s a fight for ratings and for revenue. What better way to combat this than with a titles race between Los Angeles and Boston? Boston and Los Angeles will be powerhouses in the NBA for several years to come, with the occasional downward swings to keep the heat off the NBA’s back. New York is too big of a market to be this dry for this many years, something WILL happen there. I’m not saying it will be anything drastic like Lebron James going to either New Jersey or New York, it might be very subtle. However, before long, one of those teams will rise from the ashes and be a contender again. So, here are my predictions; Boston and Los Angeles keep trading title blows, and a New York makes a comeback and becomes relevant again within three years. Of course teams like Denver, Utah and Atlanta will keep getting their participant ribbons, talk about markets being victims of the system. If I’m wrong, I guess it’s not fixed, but if I’m right, oh if I’m right.
On a happier note, congratulations to the University of Utah. Inking the deal with the Pac-10 conference. This is quite impressive. I hold no loyalty to either team of the Holy War, as it’s come to be known, so let me speak as an objective observer. Come on people, it’s over. It was a good run while it lasted, and I think BYU holds the record for more wins, so that’s something you can take away from it. This will never be as heated on the Utah sidelines as it will on the BYU sidelines, never again. Utah will look at this as more of a practice exam for the big SAT that’s coming up. Sure, BYU will put up a fight, and, if this rivalry even continues, they might get a win here or there. But, let’s be honest, Utah will be making more money, a lot more. They now have a chance at a national title, which means better recruits, and that in turn puts more NFL scouts in the seats, gives more television exposure which leads to more national exposure. If a player is torn between BYU and Utah, he’s going to go to Utah 99 out of 100 times. Within five years Utah will be a much different team. They will be head and shoulders above BYU. Unfortunately, I think this may be an end to the Holy War. No disrespect to BYU, they have a wonderful program down south, but it seems as though this “war” as become more of a last chance crusade for the Mormons. Yes, I’m sure Utah will struggle through their first few years in this powerful conference, there’s always a learning curve. In the end, they’ll find their stride, bring in better players, equipment, facilities, and then it’s all over. Kind of bitter sweet. Finally, some national recognition for a Utah college football program. You have to take the good with the bad, this state’s greatest rivalry is now, vanquished.
‘Nuff Said.
So, you’ve got your powerhouse in the Eastern Conference, a rejuvenated Boston team ready to hit the ground running. Now all the NBA needed was Kobe to stay in Los Angeles. At around this same time, the Lakers had been struggling through their own seasons. With the departure of Shaq and most of the city wanting Kobe’s head on a platter, the basketball culture in Los Angeles was ready to collapse. Enter Pao Gasol. A guy the Lakers were able to get from Memphis for less than Boston had to give up for Garnett. With the return of Derek Fisher and the acquisition of Lamar Odom, the Lakers were ready to roll. The rivalry the NBA so desperately wanted to see rekindled was a lock. They could not let one of the best Celtics of all time (Paul Pierce) and one of the best Lakers of all time (Kobe Bryant) never square off for a championship. It had to happen. These teams inevitably met in the finals in June of 2008 and the Celtics got the better of the Lakers. Here’s the kicker, it didn’t matter who won that one, the other was going to win the next time these teams met up. They couldn’t let one Laker great get the better of the other Celtic great and vice versa. It just wasn’t right. Had Los Angeles won that series in 2008, this year’s NBA Finals would have had a very different outcome.
What about Orlando, you say? Yeah, what about Orlando? After all, if the NBA was fixed wouldn’t it have been Lebron vs. Kobe last year, or even a Boston vs. Los Angeles rematch? This is where the script writers for the NBA gain their genius status. That series was a perfect distraction to keep the fans from seeing the ultimate picture. They needed to toss in a throw-away series. One that Los Angeles could cake-walk through, pulling them just two titles away from tying Boston for the all-time lead. With them a lock to win the title over Boston this year, they are now just within one. You see, the NFL has a near monopoly when it comes to ratings. When the seasons overlap, football games are always taking precedent over basketball games. The viewers make the choice, and these companies have to adapt. Yes, these are companies, business and money are their bottom line. Do you think the NBA would draw as much money if this finals had been Cleveland vs. Utah? Or Orlando vs. Phoenix? Absolutely not. They need the money and the ratings to be able to compete with the NFL. Now, I’m not saying the NBA is entirely fixed. I think it would be impossible to choreograph it so that Kobe can miss and make a basket on cue. But, is it so hard to believe that perhaps the big-wigs of the NBA hold closed doors meeting with important team officials and the heads of the referee union? Perhaps it is scripted a little bit. Big games always garner blown calls, bad calls and often times silenced whistles. The star power speaks for itself. The NBA consistently uses the referees as their crutch, throwing them under the bus and giving out bogus penalties when they really screw the pooch. However, their ultimate enemy is the NFL. This is their ultimate competition, it’s a fight for ratings and for revenue. What better way to combat this than with a titles race between Los Angeles and Boston? Boston and Los Angeles will be powerhouses in the NBA for several years to come, with the occasional downward swings to keep the heat off the NBA’s back. New York is too big of a market to be this dry for this many years, something WILL happen there. I’m not saying it will be anything drastic like Lebron James going to either New Jersey or New York, it might be very subtle. However, before long, one of those teams will rise from the ashes and be a contender again. So, here are my predictions; Boston and Los Angeles keep trading title blows, and a New York makes a comeback and becomes relevant again within three years. Of course teams like Denver, Utah and Atlanta will keep getting their participant ribbons, talk about markets being victims of the system. If I’m wrong, I guess it’s not fixed, but if I’m right, oh if I’m right.
On a happier note, congratulations to the University of Utah. Inking the deal with the Pac-10 conference. This is quite impressive. I hold no loyalty to either team of the Holy War, as it’s come to be known, so let me speak as an objective observer. Come on people, it’s over. It was a good run while it lasted, and I think BYU holds the record for more wins, so that’s something you can take away from it. This will never be as heated on the Utah sidelines as it will on the BYU sidelines, never again. Utah will look at this as more of a practice exam for the big SAT that’s coming up. Sure, BYU will put up a fight, and, if this rivalry even continues, they might get a win here or there. But, let’s be honest, Utah will be making more money, a lot more. They now have a chance at a national title, which means better recruits, and that in turn puts more NFL scouts in the seats, gives more television exposure which leads to more national exposure. If a player is torn between BYU and Utah, he’s going to go to Utah 99 out of 100 times. Within five years Utah will be a much different team. They will be head and shoulders above BYU. Unfortunately, I think this may be an end to the Holy War. No disrespect to BYU, they have a wonderful program down south, but it seems as though this “war” as become more of a last chance crusade for the Mormons. Yes, I’m sure Utah will struggle through their first few years in this powerful conference, there’s always a learning curve. In the end, they’ll find their stride, bring in better players, equipment, facilities, and then it’s all over. Kind of bitter sweet. Finally, some national recognition for a Utah college football program. You have to take the good with the bad, this state’s greatest rivalry is now, vanquished.
‘Nuff Said.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)